


Gifts from Gotham

by Alsike



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: All The Tropes, Bad Decisions, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Sex Pollen, Supergirl gets fired, but it will be okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8467399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/pseuds/Alsike
Summary: Alex Danvers is totally over her crush on Detective Sawyer. It was JUST a crush, okay? But with her sister in trouble from muddling up her job and her superheroics, Alex has been a bit on edge. Then, of course, the pollen of the Troyan Lotus gets involved, and, well, that crush? It's back with a vengeance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am SORRY. This is a HUGE MESS. I just needed to get this out before it is completely Jossed by episode 5. It is chaos, and I apologize for any typos or continuity errors. Enjoy all my garbagy first draft writing. :/
> 
> But MAN, do I love these two idiots. 
> 
> There are so many things that I barely touch on in this, and I definitely don't deal with all the fallout. But it is so much longer than I planned as it is. If I was going to take it to the limit it would be like 40k and have a tragic ending. So have this instead.
> 
> (I love Kara, but I do think she's making a serious mistake--using herself as a source. I engage with that a little. I'm not trying to be mean.)
> 
> (This wasn't supposed to be so LONG! But I was as one possessed. Can I count the words for NaNo? My poor NaNo novel :( )

It started with Kara. Most things did, really.

This time it started with a mistake.

Quoting herself as Supergirl wouldn’t have been a problem if she had only done it once or twice. But it wasn’t once or twice, and quickly, to anyone who read the National City news, it became obvious that Kara Danvers knew Supergirl.

The rival city newspaper, not owned by CatCo, thought that this was a scoop in itself. And they sent a journalist to tail her.

Quickly, he found out that Kara Danvers was misusing her interviews with Supergirl, stating as fact things only the girl of steel would know. And then he caught her fudging the facts. It was a simple misattribution—Supergirl claiming that Grox, her alien combatant, had been the one to destroy the beloved restaurant at the end of the pier, when, in fact, it was an accident with her heat vision.

The report went viral. SUPERGIRL LIES TO PROTECT REPUTATION. The owners of the restaurant started a civil suit. Kara Danvers was indicted also for conspiracy. Grox, a prisoner in the underground facility of the DEO, was subpoenaed as a witness to events.

And Maggie Sawyer accompanied the bailiff delivering the subpoena. She was the only NCPD cop who knew where the DEO was, after all.

#

Alex had spent the six weeks after the story broke being pissed. Kara had come to her before the news got around. She looked shell-shocked, her hair lank, her skin drained of color. Her eyes were red from crying. Her eyes _never_ got red when she cried. Terrified, Alex demanded information.

“I did a bad thing,” Kara mumbled.

“Is someone dead? Do I have to—“

Kara shook her head, her hair guarding her eyes. “Please don’t— you don’t have to cover for me. I don’t _want_ you to cover for me. I—“ Her voice broke. “I _lied_.”

Alex stared, confused. “To me?”

Kara shook her head. “I lied in an article. I lied, and now I’ve been caught, and,” she gulped down a sob. “And Cat wrote me a furious email saying that I’ve ruined Supergirl’s image and I’m fired.” Kara slumped, dropping into a crouch and hanging over her knees. “Ms Grant _fired_ me. For real this time. It’s for real.”

Alex had never seen her sister so broken up. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’ll fix this. I can—“

“There’s nothing you can to. I did this to myself.”

And it was true. Kara had screwed up and gotten caught, and she had to pay the price for it. Because she was Supergirl, the price was higher than it would have been. But that was the way it was for public figures.

The one thing that Supergirl did not do was throw her secret identity under the bus. It would have been easy to say that Kara had misquoted her, for Kara to admit it. She’d already been fired, after all. Ms Grant emailed the DEO recommending it. (No one knew how she had gotten the DEO email address.)

But instead, Supergirl owned up. In a press conference, she explained she had been embarrassed about her mistake that led to the destruction of the restaurant, and she had lied in the interview.

It probably was the right decision. Public opinion rebounded quickly, though the restaurant owners did not drop their civil suit, and headlines about Supergirl went back to being neutral to positive.

But Kara was lost. And if Kara was lost, Alex wasn’t doing much better.

It didn’t help that she’d been stiff around Detective Sawyer ever since ‘the Roulette incident’. Stiff and still awkward, which was the worst of it. She’d read things wrong, or Maggie had sent mixed signals, or she was just a fucking asshat. But there hadn’t been anything there. Maggie was a flirt, and she flirted like crazy with any female-presenting creature she ran into. Including aliens. And if it included aliens, it probably included girls she thought were straight.

She’d flirted with Alex—who wasn’t straight, but didn’t think that was important (or relevant) enough to broadcast everywhere—and maybe hadn’t intended to lead her on. But Alex had been led on. And she was hurt.

So when Kara went down hard, Alex had pushed it aside, almost relieved that she could focus on her sister instead. She didn’t have to dodge Maggie’s calls or try to maintain a working relationship while fending off more social requests. Maggie seemed to want to be friends. Alex . . . wasn’t ready for that yet.

Focusing on Kara had helped her get over it.

Six weeks later, Alex was totally, totally over her stupid crush on Maggie Sawyer.

It had been hard enough to admit it was a crush in the first place. She liked Detective Sawyer, she was ballsy and competent and _good_ , and her stupid smile was like—

No. Alex was over her crush on Maggie Sawyer.

That was a true fact. Evidence point one: She’d admitted it had been a crush.

She hadn’t admitted it _to_ anyone, but acknowledging your problems to yourself was a good first step. Kara peered at her curiously once or twice and Alex was, for the first time, relieved that her sister had no gaydar to speak of. (Really, none. Half of Alex’s friends had had crushes on her—boys and girls—and she’d never picked up on any of the girls. Well, to be honest, she’d never picked up on any of the boys’s either. Maybe Kara was just generally oblivious.)

Evidence point two: She’d stopped training and working out until dragging herself out of bed each morning was a misery.

She’d trained a lot the first few weeks. Alex loved training. It was always there for you, and didn’t get a girlfriend right when you were starting to stick your head up out of its protective shell and say you were interested.

But no, Alex was over it. She wasn’t even upset about it anymore. At least not until Maggie sauntered into the DEO with the bailiff who was bringing subpoenas for Supergirl and Grox on her arm and said, “Sorry Danvers, but the law’s the law.”

Alex wanted to kill her.

Then she did something she regretted.

#

She might have not responded so strongly if her mom hadn’t called that day. But even when her mom was trying to be nice, she ended up pushing Alex’s buttons. And she’d been calling a lot more now, to check up on Kara after she was fired. She’d tried just once to blame Alex for the debacle. But Alex, who’d had to deal with a crying and mopey Kara for three days straight, hadn’t taken it lying down.

“I can’t save her from herself! I can throw my body between her and monsters, but I can’t make all her decisions for her! And if you hadn’t spoiled her and made her think that she could do no wrong, maybe she wouldn’t have thought that just a little lie wouldn’t be a big deal! Maybe she’d actually have a sense of ethics rather than a leaky guilt nozzle!”

Her mom’s tone had immediately changed to the ‘Alex is stressed out, handle with care’ one that she knew too well, and Alex gave up. Her mom didn’t admit that it might be a little bit her fault, she just asked if she should encourage Kara to come home. But Kara needed to pick up the pieces on her own. Running away to Eliza would make everything worse.

“And don’t tell her it’s not her fault. You always say ’you were trying your best, you had good intentions,’ but she made a mistake, Mom. She needs to own it.”

She’d always made Alex own it.

Alex wished her dad was around. She wished he had been around. Not that she ever didn’t, but this time wished Kara had had his guidance. She wished she had been able to do a better job helping Kara adjust to being Supergirl, so she wouldn’t have to see her hurting like this.

Today’s conversation had ended on a different but worse note. “How are _you_ , Alex?”

Never a good sign.

“Seeing anyone?”

Half of the reason Alex shied away from dating was because she didn’t want to have to talk about it with her mother.

“No mom.”

“Have you even been out on a date?”

“ _Mom_.”

“ _Alex_. I know your dad would be proud of you for devoting yourself to protecting Kara, but I can’t help but think he might be a little disappointed that that’s _all_ you’re doing.”

Alex’s heart sank. She could never win with her mom, and she hated it when she pulled her dad into it.

“You can have a more rounded life. I know Kara gets herself into more trouble than you could ever get her out of, but you have to focus on yourself too.”

Alex just breathed out. _I know._ She didn’t say. _I could have been with someone right now, I could have maybe even been in love_ —though even the hypothetical was terrifying— _but she didn’t want me. No one wants me. That’s just the way it is._

But her mother’s commiseration was worse than the heartbreak itself.

#

So she was feeling a little bitter when Maggie sauntered in, the embodiment of the judicial system that had decided her sister was a criminal.

“Get _out_.” Alex blocked their path with her body. “This is federal property. Get off it before I lock you up.”

Maggie scowled, hard lines drawing across her face. “I knew you’d side with her.”

“Side with who, Supergirl?” Alex narrowed her eyes. She’d had enough of everyone ganging up on her sister. Criticizing her was Alex’s job, and no one else deserved to do it. “And I thought you didn’t hate aliens.”

Maggie’s body language changed from angry to insulted. Her lip curled. “You’re the one who locks them up. Everyone except Supergirl, right? Tell me, is she just your foster sister, or are you banging?”

 _Your sister._ She knew. She’d figured it out. And she thought—

Alex’s gun was out before she knew it. She was pointing it at the Detective. “I told you to get out! And don’t you _dare_ talk about my sister like that!” Her gun wavered in the air in front of her.

Maggie shoved the bailiff behind herself, her own hand going to her sidearm.

“DANVERS!” J’onn’s roar was audible across the whole building. “Stand down!”

For a moment the tableau was frozen, Alex realizing just what she’d done, Maggie, fierce as fire, using her body as a shield for the hapless bailiff who didn’t deserve any of this.

Alex dropped her gun. It skittered away across the floor, the clunk and scrape the only sounds in the entire building.

And, well, then she was suspended, and she and Kara spent the rest of the week on her couch with so much ice cream that Alex thought if she saw another carton she’d be sick.

But, yeah, she was over her crush on Detective Sawyer, and if Maggie had ever thought of her as more than a crazy person—well, that was over also.

#


	2. Chapter 2

Kara got a new job. She was writing obits for a neighborhood weekly. She was gung-ho about it.

“I guess,” she said to Alex before heading off on her third day, “that I was so worried about being Supergirl that I forgot about being Kara. I wanted to be like you—focused, badass, competent. Or like Clark, great at everything he tries. But I just want a job that I can do well without having to drive myself nuts.”

Alex stared at her as she left. She didn’t really understand her sister. Of course she wanted to do her job well, but being successful was meaningless if you weren’t pushing yourself as hard as you could go, wasn’t it?

It felt true to her, but she guessed she could understand that not everyone might think that way.

Other people might think that her attitude toward her job was the reason she didn’t have a social life. They were wrong.

The imagined censure still gnawed at her.

And she needed to surprise Kara with more training. Supergirl was not a job you could survive without pushing yourself. Enthusiasm was no replacement for dedication.

But as she heard the outside door click shut and Kara greet a neighbor on the street, Alex breathed out. Kara was going to be fine. She was an optimist. She picked herself up and dusted herself off and she learned from her mistakes.

She always seemed to leave Alex behind, still wallowing in her mistakes, unable to believe that she could do better, especially if there was no way to fix the past.

It had been a mistake to get so angry at Detective Sawyer. Half of it was the vicarious guilt she felt for Kara but the other half was her own hurt feelings at being rejected.

There was a reason she couldn’t form relationships outside her family and work. She wasn’t a functional human being. She wished she could just say sorry and put it behind her like Kara could. But it was so hard to apologize when she knew there was no chance of being forgiven.

#

Alex straightened up from her slouch against the wall, and glared down the bailiff and the cops accompanying him. Again Maggie strode at his side, in uniform this time, something she rarely wore as a plainclothes detective. The sight of her made Alex’s stomach squirm uncomfortably.

Anger? Guilt? Embarrassment?

Yeah, it was all three of those.

Maggie strode right up to her and handed her a sheaf of papers. “Release papers for the alien known as Grox.” Her businesslike expression did not flicker a spec. She was clearly not looking for an apology.

Alex scowled. She wouldn’t give her one even if she had been. Maybe she’d been in the wrong before. But this time Sawyer was on the side of stupid. Grox should not be taken out of their custody. Calling him to serve as a witness in a civil trial was asking for trouble. But she took the papers and held out a clipboard.

“Sign please.”

Maggie signed. Alex signaled to the agents with the restraints. The door opened, and all hell broke loose.

#

Grox burst out and crashed into the door across. Some sort of electric chain reaction spat sparks from door to door and they came open, monstrous aliens emerging.

“Fuck!” Maggie had her gun out and up as a long-tentacled one charged them. Another one spit poisoned spines and Alex leapt, knocking Maggie aside as the bailiff took one in the shoulder.

Alex banged the button on her radio over and over, but nothing was getting through. The other cops and agents were scattering, taking cover from the attack.

“Come on,” Alex crawled down the hallway, trying to keep out of sight. “We need to alert J’onn.”

Maggie gave a sharp nodded.

Halfway down the hall, one of the aliens saw them and lunged. Maggie got off three shots, winging it, and it lurched, bursting through a door and scattering boxes. One exploded, a thick dust rising up out of it. It enveloped Alex and Maggie. Alex choked on the powder. A dizzying feeling flushed through her brain. She tried to cough it out, tried to resist. Then she saw Maggie’s eyes roll back in her head and her slump to the floor.

Quite quickly after that, everything went black.

#

Alex surfaced from the darkness like a jolt from a nightmare. She gasped. The air was clean. And sitting cross-legged on the floor facing her was Maggie.

“Hey,” Maggie’s voice was lower than usual, rough, like a hangover. “I was wondering when you’d wake up.”

Alex sat up and looked around. They were in one of the DEO’s quarantine rooms. The memory of the box hit her and her stomach turned over.

“Not wanting to be needy here, but, where the hell are we, and why?” Maggie seemed composed, but the roughness in her voice and the quiet seriousness of her words made it clear to Alex just how freaked out she was.

“I—“ Alex looked around. “I think we’re okay. We’re in quarantine. That dust we breathed in, I don’t know what it was exactly, but I think those boxes were being held in waiting to ship back to Gotham PD. They were some plant-based substance, and they thought it might be alien. But it wasn’t. Just weird earth stuff.”

“Okay,” Maggie said. “So are we dying?”

“No.” Alex bit her lip. “Nothing was fatal. There was a bunch of different stuff, but it was just disruptive, but I don’t know what it did. They said fights, maybe riots?”

Maggie cocked her head. “I feel like I should be lucky that you don’t have your gun, but I suspect you’re deadly with your bare hands, Danvers.”

“You too.” Alex forced a smile, and got half a smirk in return. She breathed out. That was more than she’d expected. Warmth pooled in her stomach. “But they wouldn’t have locked us up together if we were a danger to each other. I’m sure it will be fine. We just have to wait for it to wear off.”

“When will it _start?_ ”

Alex didn’t know. She couldn’t look at Maggie any longer either. The hairs on her arms were standing on end, prickling goosebumps running up and down her skin. She ducked her head, her hair falling over her face. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I should never have pulled my gun on you. I can’t believe I was that out of control.”

“We’re cool. You did save my life today.”

Alex snuck a glance over her shoulder. Maggie was leaning back against the wall, her legs stretched out in front of her, her uniform jacket off and folded up behind her head. Her tie was loose, the collar of her short-sleeved white shirt crumpled attractively.

“And, I figure my older sisters would react similarly if someone insinuated they were banging me. So I get it.”

Alex flushed hot. “How’d you figure it out? That we were sisters, I mean. I’d never sleep with Kara, I mean—“ she made a face. “—even if she wasn’t my sister, seriously.”

Maggie raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t that difficult. Miss Kara Danvers getting busted for bad interviews of Supergirl, you, the other Danvers, being all buddy with Supergirl. I found one photo of Kara and was like, oh, take off the glasses and she’s Supergirl. And then it just took one background check to find the adoption records and your parents’ names and your school files, and that time you were picked up for shoplifting in the eight grade.”

Alex glared.

Maggie lifted two open hands. “What can I say? I’m a cop.”

“I _know_.”

“And you’re a secret agent. We have different attitudes toward the public record.”

Alex sighed and shrugged off her jacket. She was getting hot. Sweat was starting to gather around her throat and behind her ears. And between her breasts. She shifted back against the wall and ignored the way moving made certain sensitive areas feel. “Yeah, sometimes I think Kara’s mistake was my fault. I’m all about secrets, always encouraging her to keep them, never talking about anything that feels private. She’s terrible at lying, bending the truth. She got caught. Maybe it would be better if she’d had a straight shooter like you as a sister.”

Maggie huffed. “There’s nothing about me that’s straight.” Her voice was still rough, but it sounded fuller now, throaty. Alex bit her lip and tried not to look over. Just because she was over her crush, it didn’t mean she didn’t find Maggie attractive.

Who wouldn’t find Maggie attractive?

She dared a glance, and found herself to be watched as well. Maggie saw her look, and an easy smile spread across her face. All the dimples. Alex clenched her hands and pulled her knees into her chest.

She couldn’t deny it. She wanted her.

It had to be the dust. _Fuck_. Of all the things that they had to accidentally be dosed with it was the famed Gotham Eco-Terrorist, Poison Ivy,’s sex pollen.

“Is it getting hot in here for you, or is it just me?” Maggie was shifting, kicking off her shoes, and then shuffling off her pants.

Alex’s throat went dry. “What— what are you doing?”

“It’s hot. And uniform pants are itchy as fuck. You’re lucky, Danvers, you never have to go on parade.”

Lucky was not the word Alex would use at this moment. Under her pants, Maggie had black socks, slouching down around her ankles, and tight boyshorts.

A hard, uncomfortable realization opened up in Alex’s chest. She didn’t know what was going on. They’d been drugged and it was, oh, probably an 80% chance that they would end up fucking, and Maggie had a girlfriend, and she wasn’t into Alex that way, and she _didn’t know_.

Even if she did know, she couldn’t consent. Alex swallowed down the lump in her throat. She had to be strong. She had to fight this.

Kara could fight this, with the right motivation. And Alex had the right motivation. She had to be a good person. She had to show herself that she could be. She’d been a shitty role model for Kara so far—well, here was a chance to do better.

Alex breathed in through her nose and put on her secret agent mask of composure. Maggie wasn’t wearing pants. No big deal.

“Just . . . fyi. I’m pretty sure I know what we were dosed with.”

“Yeah?”

Alex could hear Maggie’s lazy grin. She didn’t have to look over.

“I think it’s the pollen of the Troyan Lotus. It, um, activates certain nerve centers and, um, the amygdala, and the, uh, anterior insula, and dampens temporal lobe function—“ That meant her inhibitions would be dropping. She had to focus. The frontal cortex could make up for all of that. It had to be able to.

“You could just say ‘sex pollen’.” Maggie’s voice wasn’t far away anymore. Her breath brushed across Alex’s neck. “I figured that out a while ago. And I knew what it was anyway. The whole PD gathers around the feed when there are any reports from Gotham.”

Shit. Alex gulped. She had to stay in control.

She didn’t have a great track record of being in control around Maggie at the best of times. Exhibit one: beating in an alien’s head to find her. Exhibit two: flirting like a total dweeb. Exhibit three: pulling a gun on her.

And she didn’t want to be in control. God, she was so tired of staying in control all the time.

She was so hot. Her center ached. Maggie’s lips brushed the skin of her neck and a desperate noise emerged unbidden from her throat. _No. No._ She couldn’t lose control this easily.

She had to hold on, just hold on. But the slickness between her legs suggested that if she held them too tightly together for too long she’d get herself off regardless.

“Alex,” the name was drawn out and unfamiliar on her tongue. She was so used to ‘Danvers,’ and this was strangely intimate. She felt the air vibrations from it against her skin. “What are you playing at? We burn this out of our system and we’re good. We don’t, and it burns through your energy stores until it kills you—or at least they think it might. Or are you just saying we need to radio out for dental dams. I’m clean, but if you haven’t been tested recently—“

“Stop it,” Alex hissed. Being mocked about her STD status was not supposed to be a turn on. But it didn’t matter what had been a turn on before, right now, the drugs in her system were driving the bus. “There’s no proof that orgasms are what reduce the neural load.”

“There’s no proof that they don’t.”

Something hot and wet flicked over her ear. She could feel the heat of Maggie’s body pressing against her. And then—that’s teeth, in her earlobe, and _fuck._ Straight to the vagus nerve and _down._

“Don’t!” And Alex threw her, or tried, but the wall was in the way, and Maggie slammed into it, and then came down on top of her, and Alex tried to shove her off to beat her away.

“Hey!” Maggie caught one of her flailing hands and then her knee just slipped.

Alex tensed. She was still in her pants and bvds, but knowing that the thigh pressing against her was bare, that she was mere micrometers away from skin, was enough to make her stomach clench. She was so hot, so wet. If she soaked through her pants—

Alex let out a whimper. Maggie caught her other hand and pinned them both to the floor above her head. The sound caught her ear and she looked down. Her hair, falling out of the ponytail, trailed over Alex’s cheek. She shifted back, and her thigh ground against Alex’s center, and Alex let out another sound. She lifted her chin, seeking upwards, toward her, and let her eyes fall shut.

Maggie tightened her grip on her wrists and Alex squirmed against her leg. With a tiny portion of her temporal lobe, she watched herself with horror. She was just going to grind off like this? Did she like having her wrists held down? God, she was a _mess_.

But the rest of her was a haze of fog, with only lines of nerves singing from point to point through her body.

“Do you like this?” Maggie was watching her, pupils blown, licking her lips and swallowing down excess saliva. “Do you like me holding you down?”

She rocked her hips against Alex’s, and Alex arched up, fighting the pin, and also trying to ride harder against Maggie’s leg. But Maggie lifted up, pulling her thigh out of reach, and Alex collapsed back down, letting out a whine.

“You like this? Tell me, I want to hear your voice. Use your words.” She lowered her knee again.

Alex gasped, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Maggie twisted her arms, bit at her earlobe. Alex dripped with sweat, her pants too tight between her legs, Maggie’s knee pressed right against her. She couldn’t deny it, couldn’t fake it anymore. “Yeah, yeah. _Please_.”

“Mmmm,” Maggie purred against her skin. “I like hearing you beg.”

Alex whimpered. Maggie lifted her head, coming so they were nose to nose, eye to eye. She nosed once into Alex’s cheek, calming, gentle.

“Don’t be scared. I’ll take care of you.” Her voice was low and steady. “I promise.” And Alex gave in. It was what she wanted. It was all she’d wanted.

“Okay,” she mumbled “okay, Maggie, please.”

Maggie paused, her lips still brushing against Alex’s neck. She breathed out. “Fuck,” even the swear was gentle. “I never thought you—“ She didn’t finish, but let her eyes flutter shut for a moment.

Her knee was moving carefully, slowly, in small circles. Her hands, weighing down Alex’s wrists, felt like the only solid place in the room. And then the grip on her wrist was shifted to one hand, but still heavy and solid, and Maggie cupped her cheek, and lifted her chin, changing the angle of her head and then dipping down into a kiss.

#

It was like getting the one thing she’d wanted for forever, unwrapping it, realizing that yes, this was it, this was what she’d been waiting for. And then, as Maggie’s lips parted, her thumb encouraging Alex to open, and the blade of her tongue just met Alex’s, she knew that it was better than what she’d hoped for. She could feel the kiss like a knife, cutting in deep, twisting to open up the well inside that nothing but heat and need could fill.

Absorbed in the kiss, Alex hardly noticed the shift in weight as Maggie lifted up her hips slightly and worked her hand in between their bodies. She tugged at the fastenings of her trousers, pulled them apart, and slid down.

Alex gasped into her mouth and hitched up her hips, just as Maggie’s hand curled around and fingertips brushed over the slick pool of her entrance.

And then she was in. Two fingers right off, stretching her in a way that hurt just enough to feel like it was worth it. Maggie’s knees spread, and she straddled Alex’s hips, arched over her, still pinning her wrists, and fucking her, pulling back to bite at Alex’s breasts through her shirt and bra.

Alex threw her head back, and tried to ride her hand, thrusting back into the pressure, but she was pinned in place by Maggie’s weight over her hips.

When she came it was like a buzzing filled her head, blocking out her eyes her ears her nose her mouth. Her body sang with it. The heat and sweat and scent of Maggie above her.

She loved it.

#

That stupid grin, Maggie, her shirt swinging loose, reaching up to take off her tie. Her ponytail came undone fully then, and then she reached out, looping the tie around Alex’s hands and drawing it tight. Her hair fell like a curtain around Alex’s face.

Alex squirmed, “want you,” she mumbled. She jerked her hips. “No undies, mouth. _Now._ ”

“Yeah?” It was a whisper, eager and delighted. “You want me to ride your face, girl?”

Alex bit her lip and nodded.

“Fuck.” Maggie swung up, scrabbling to hitch off her boyshorts, and still in her socks and rumpled dress shirt knelt over her. Alex squirmed, catching at her hips with the fingertips of her bound hands, and encouraging her forward. She wanted this, she needed Maggie, hot and slick and heady. She buried her face between her legs and wanted to cry with the taste of it. She heard a muffled gasp from Maggie, a hand fisting her hair. And Alex took what she wanted. She drowned in it.

#

“You’re good, you’re so good, such a good girl, Alex,” Maggie was mumbling as she came down from her second—third? orgasm. She slipped off Alex, slumping down to curl in beside her. “Fuck.”

Alex’s face was smeared with come. It was in her hair, stiffening the collar of her shirt. Maggie reached down again, seeking inside her pants, pressing firmly against her perineum, and Alex didn’t resist, never wanted to resist again.

“Be good for me now.”

And Alex sounded a murmur of acquiescence and letting wet fingers trail from her cunt down to her ass. She’d be good. Maggie had said she was good. She’d said she’d take care of her.

“Oh, baby, don’t cry.”

But it was too late for that. Maggie fucked her, pressure against her cunt and her ass at once, and tears streamed from Alex’s eyes. Maggie mouthed cum and tears from her cheek, nosing into her ear. _Safe, safe, safe,_ was all Alex could think. And then there were teeth in her neck and electric sparks in her core, and she wasn’t thinking anything anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

The seal on the door clanked. Alex emerged from the post-sex haze of sleep and blinked at the the quiet swear and movement from the other side of the room as Maggie struggled into her uniform trousers and wrapped her underwear in her jacket.

Alex sat up slowly and groaned at the aches and bruising from sleeping on the hard floor. Her pants were halfway down her thighs and cold with chilled sweat when she pulled them up. Her hands felt numb and fumbled the fastenings.

She looked up and their eyes met. Maggie’s mouth tensed, and she looked away. Alex shut her eyes and wrapped herself up in her arms.

This was the worst.

The door swung open and Winn stuck his head in. “Woah! That’s a scent.”

Alex got up, ignoring the shaking in her legs, and strode past him, punching him hard as she passed.

#

Alex didn’t want a med eval. She wanted a shower. She _needed_ a shower. She had been drenched in come and sweat and grease, and it itched as it dried. She caught a bare glimpse of herself in the mirror, and she’d learned one thing clearly: Certain things should never be used as styling cream.

Maggie got out first. From the hall she heard J’onn speaking to her. “Detective Sawyer, we apologize for this incident. We were not fully prepared for the exchange of prisoners.”

“Relax,” Maggie’s voice was low, and she sounded exhausted. “I’m not going to sue.”

“If there is anything we can do to reduce the impact this experience—“

“I had a shag, Manhunter.” The sarcasm was hard in her voice. “No one died.”

The stomp of her footsteps heading out was the last thing Alex heard.

#

Feelings were overrated. Alex had work to do. She got her work done. She was fine. And if she heard Winn and Kara gossiping about her behind her back about how she was too serious, no fun anymore, always making them do more hand-to-hand training, she didn't care.

She also didn’t go to any crime scenes where the NCPD might show up.

“Why don’t you talk to her?” Kara bobbed around behind her.

Alex scowled. “Who?”

“You know who. And I know I screwed things up by making you, um, do the gun thing. But before that, I thought you guys were good friends.”

“We were never friends.”

“You could have been. And you made up, right? Before you banged. You could be friends for real.” Kara wrinkled her nose. “And to be honest, you need some more friends. Lighten up already. You’re getting hard to take.”

Alex shook her head. “I can’t talk to her.”

“Why not?” Kara made a concerned face. “I know it’s awkward to talk to someone you’ve had sex with—“

“Really?” Alex raised an eyebrow. “ _You_ know?”

Kara waved her hands around. “I can imagine!”

Alex shook her head. “You really can’t.”

“Surely you’ve talked to other people you’ve had sex with though?”

“Not like that. Not . . .” Alex shut her eyes. “It’s not the sex. That was . . . it’s own issue. I cried.” Kara blinked at her. “Kara, I cried. I cried because she told me she’d take care of me.”

A line drew down the center of Kara’s forehead. “I don’t . . .”

“How could you understand! You’ve never— you’re always _you_. You don’t have to be someone else for people to like you. You don’t have to hide your weaknesses behind a lockbox—“

“Alex! Why do you? Why do you assume that Maggie won’t like you once she knows you?”

Alex closed her eyes. “She’s avoiding me. No. We’re over. We . . .never were anything.”

“Alex . . .”

Fuck. Alex didn’t have enough energy left to cry again. She couldn’t let Kara hug her or she’d never stop.

#

“Hey.”

Alex jolted. Maggie was leaning against the wall outside her apartment, holding a beer bottle, waving it in small uneven circles.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” She sauntered up and poked Alex in the chest with the beer bottle. “I wanted to see my sexy sub girl.”

Alex shook her head. She shook it again, her hair lashing her face.

“Come on,” Maggie shifted closer to her, letting their hips brush. “You’re so _tall_. Get on your knees.”

Alex ached. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m _happy_.”

Maggie reached up and cupped her face. “Danvers,” she murmured, drawing out the ’s’. “I just want to feel you come under me again.” She kissed Alex, and though Alex could taste the beer and something stronger, peaty like whiskey, there was nothing sloppy about the press of lips, the gentle tug on Alex’s bottom lip.

“Okay.”

The grin was Maggie’s stupid smug grin.

“But not while you’re drunk. Not while you’re the only one drunk. Come back when you’re sober, okay, Sawyer?”

“Shit, Danvers,” Maggie laughed, half stumbling back. “You’re such a fucking badass. You make me feel like a god when you beg, like I’m a fucking Kryptonian.” Alex sagged. “But sure, sure. Lets get drunk together sometime. I’ll bring my nice handcuffs.”

She was gone. Alex barely made it up the steps and went face first onto her bed, hands scrabbling to get into her pants.

#

The next day, Alex dared to go to a crime scene. Of course Maggie was there.

“Sawyer.”

“Danvers.”

Maggie didn’t even flinch. She didn’t bring it up either. She’d blacked it out. She had to have blacked it out, there was no way she could be more cool with running into Alex after propositioning her than before. Could she?

#

Winn was not the person to talk to about this. But he was there.

“What would you think it meant if a girl hit on you while she was drunk?”

Winn made a face. “Um, nothing? Drunk is drunk.”

“I mean, maybe you’ve slept together before, but you didn’t talk after that, and then she showed up at your apartment drunk and tried to get you to have sex, and you said _no_ , and then, she acted like nothing happened.”

Winn arched an eyebrow. “That’s very specific.”

‘I knew I shouldn’t have asked you.”

“Well, if I got myself drunk and hit on a girl and the girl rejected me, I’d probably pretend I had no recollection of that at all. Dwelling on rejection is no fun.”

“Yeah,” Alex sank into her chair. “I know that part.”

#

It was a bad idea. She knew it was a bad idea, but there was only so long she could go _not knowing_. And even if it turned out that she was wrong, at least she’d know for sure.

Then, of course, she told herself that she already knew for sure. Maggie wasn’t interested. She’d made that clear multiple times. And if she was interested—while drunk—that meant nothing. Or it just meant sex.

Alex would take sex.

It was uncomfortable, how vulnerable she’d felt the last time. But last time she’d been drugged up. She had no control. If they did it again, it would be nothing like that.

Nothing.

“Hey.”

“Danvers.” Maggie leaned on her doorframe, grinning her grin, and Alex groaned internally. She’d hallucinated it, hadn’t she? the drunken come on. She was going to get burned.

But she had to try. Just say it. Just _say_ it, Danvers.

Alex realized she was just standing there, unable to speak. The words weren’t forming. She was up for it. She was here. But Maggie . . . Her confidence, her casual stance, the way her grey sweatpants clung to her hips and the sleeves of her long-sleeved t-shirt were pushed up over her elbows. It all hit like a sucker punch. There was no way she could just ask.

Alex gave up on words. She gulped and slowly removed her shoes. Maggie was staring at her, confusion written all over her face. But there was kindness there too. That was the important bit. That was what made this only hugely embarrassing, not mortifying. Slowly, she lowered herself onto her knees.

“A-alex?”

Alex stared at the floor, at Maggie’s bare feet, hems of her too long sweatpants slumped around them. “You said you liked me like this.”

She heard Maggie breathe out, quiet, and then she was bending and Maggie was kneeling in front of her. “Alex. I can’t.”

“Then why’d you come and ask me!” Alex snapped at her, she felt the spit fly from her lips with the words. “Why did you tell me you wanted me?”

“Alex!” Maggie grabbed her hands, holding them still. Alex let her, but waited, tensed, if she needed to throw her, if she needed to get out. “I don’t— I don’t fuck my friends.”

“We’re _not_ friends. If we were, I’d know whether or not I was wasting my time.” Alex shook her head. “If you came to me like that and you still have a girlfriend then I don’t want you either.”

Maggie was staring at the carpet. “I don’t have a girlfriend. I never did.”

“What?”

“I have girls. I date. I go out. I get laid. I don’t— I don’t want to bring someone into my life. I can deal with friends. I can deal with hook-ups, but I don’t do clingy.”

Alex felt her face getting hotter and hotter. “So I’m clingy now?”

“No!” Maggie huffed. “But I like you, _and_ you’re a good shag. But I don’t have time or space for that in my life, okay? I have other things.”

Alex breathed out slowly and in, trying to regain control. “Like, alien hunting.”

“Yeah.”

Alex ducked her head. “I don’t really see the problem.”

“Danvers—“

“No. I understand. You don’t want a relationship. You don’t want to put up with a clingy girlfriend. You don’t want to spend all of your life trying to figure out how to make me happy. I get that. I don’t want that either.”

Maggie’s face was suspicious. Had girls manipulated her into relationships or something? She was messy, and for a moment Alex felt relieved. She wasn’t the only messy one here. She swallowed. “Can’t we just be friends and have sex?”

Maggie’s eyes went wide.

“I like you, sometimes. And I like— I like what you did to me. The, um, control stuff. But I really, really don’t want that dynamic seeping into my regular life. So I need boundaries. These are good boundaries. We’re friends. We work together sometimes, we get a beer sometimes. We don’t go home together. But if we need something else, we can call.”

Maggie was looking at her, looking scared in a way that was unfamiliar on her face. She reached out, like she was going to take Alex’s face in her hands again, like she was going to kiss her. And then she hesitated.

Alex waited. Why, why was she waiting for Maggie to kiss _her_? Why couldn’t she just reach out and take what she wanted? Why—

“It sounds like a terrible idea,” Maggie murmured. “Lets give it a shot.”

#


	4. Chapter 4

Alex sailed into the DEO, running late, wearing a hastily purchased scarf over her civvies. Thank god her tacticals had a high collar. J’onn gave her a look as she passed.

“Don’t ask,” she said, “Or check.”

J’onn rolled his eyes. “Doing so did not even cross my mind.”

Winn asked, of course.

“None of your business.”

“Did you get _laid?_ Oh Em Gee, spinster-sister Alex got laid, everybody!”

“Shut _up!_ ” Alex scowled. “And Kara’s a virgin, not me.”

“I didn’t say virgin. I said spinster, old school code for Gee Ay Why, girl. Because we all know who your last hookup was.”

Alex narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t call me girl.”

“But I can call you gay?”

“Not as an insult! But as a description, yeah. You can even be a big boy and use the word ‘lesbian.’”

“Dude, you’re badass.” Winn sighed. “I wish I had game with girls.”

Alex made a face. Game? Yeah, she didn’t have any of that. “Don’t call me dude either.”

#

The one thing she hadn’t told him was ‘don’t tell Kara.’ Honestly, she’d thought it was obvious. But no.

“Did you have a date?” Kara hovered above her desk, legs swinging, leaning forward eagerly. “Did my big sister have a _date?_ ”

“Go away, Kara. I’m working.” She could answer the question, but it wasn’t a date. So if she said yes, that would be a lie, and if she said no, then, well, she was still the big sister. She didn’t need the disrespect that came with little sister knowing that she got hickies on a not-a-date.

But fuck, it had been a good not-a-date.

“You’re zoning.”

“Shit!” Kara’s face had ended up right by her ear and when she spoke Alex jerked and spilt hydrochloric acid all over her workbench.

“Out!” she yelled. “Out of my lab!”

“You had a date!”

Alex’s phone buzzed. “Arrgh.” She pulled it out. A text.

_Time for drinks tonight? Got roped into going to Killian’s with cops. Wouldn’t say no to more interesting company. 8ish?_

“Oh!” Kara, of course, was reading it over her shoulder. “Maggie? Did you have a date with Maggie?”

Alex gave her her fiercest ‘drop it’ look.

“You’re going right?” Kara lifted her chin with a little-sister-knows-best smugness. “You were so upset about what happened, and you thought you couldn’t be friends anymore. But now you can be friends. Or—“ Kara grinned. “Whatever you want to call it.”

Alex stuffed the phone in her pocket. “I might go. I might not. I’m thinking about it.”

“Oh no!You’re going!” Kara blurred, and suddenly Alex’s phone was in her hand.

“Hey!”

Kara handed it back. “We’ll make sure you go.” She looked at Winn and they both nodded.

Alex looked at the screen of her poor purloined phone.

_Sure! :D :D <3_

She sighed.

#

“Danvers,” Maggie was at the bar when they came in and she turned, leaning on the counter and offering a smirk.

Alex’s stomach tied itself in knots.

How could she be so easy and casual about this?

Maggie’s eyes slid past her. “You brought your sister. And . . . Scott?”

“Schlott,” Winn said, “Winn Schlott. Please call me Winn.”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “They tagged along. I think they just wanted to make sure I made it here.”

Maggie waved to the bartender. “Make it four beers.”

“Oh, um—“ Kara interrupted.

“My sister doesn’t drink. Can you get her a Shirley Temple.”

Maggie laughed. “Sure, but I think we might need all the beers.”

Once they came up, Maggie led the way to a table in the back. For a moment, they were side by side, and Maggie cast her a look. “You sure you didn’t bring them because you felt like you needed a chaperone?”

Alex froze, and only shook herself out of it when Kara and Winn caught up.

The table was populated by the coppiest cops Alex had ever laid eyes on. Maggie set the drinks down on the table and then hooked her arm through Alex’s elbow.

“Guys, this is Danvers. She’s a spook, but she’s okay.”

There were a few grunts. Kara and Winn eyed the populace with obvious nerves. But, game as always, they pulled up chairs.

Alex slid into hers, half pleased and half uncomfortable to be next to Maggie. There was a brief round of introductions, and then what had obviously been the previous conversation started up again.

It shifted from baseball to gross or funny cases. Winn and Kara left after the one drink, flashing her thumbs up as they left. Alex considered leaving with them. She wasn’t totally sure what she was doing here. It was a super macho scene.

It was like being at work, but for fun. Alex liked her work, but variety was good also. It was also so fake. Guys talked shit about the badass things they’d done, or the hot women who had propositioned them when they’d been canvassing a neighborhood.

But each time someone said something particularly dumb and she glanced over, Maggie met her glance and made a mocking expression. Alex grinned behind her beer and started egging on some of the dumber stories.

It broke up late, after maybe five beers, and Alex felt a bit wobbly when she stood. Maggie caught her arm, steadying her.

One of the guys, Maggie’s ex-patrol partner she thought she’d remembered, elbowed her. “You’re right. She’s okay. Not like those other girls. Bring her around again.”

“Dan—“ Maggie’s voice was tight.

Alex leaned across her and punched Dan in the shoulder, a little harder than ‘friendly.’ “ _Thanks_. Maybe next time remember that ‘girls’ have ears, fucktard. They might turn out to be okay if you treat them like humans rather than sexy furniture.”

“Hey,” Dan stepped back, rubbing his arm, but he was grinning. “Fine, fine.” He half turned to go away, and then swiveled back, pointing fingerguns at Maggie. “I told you I liked this one.”

“Fuck off, Dan!”

He laughed, leaving. Maggie turned back to Alex. She’d relaxed and was watching her with that expression that was so hard to read—clearly amused, but also warm. She’d read it as affection and interest before. That hadn’t quite worked out the way she’d wanted. But . . . maybe she hadn’t been wrong.

“Thanks for hanging, Danvers. You’re a peach.”

Alex shrugged. “Best offer I had tonight.” Maggie turned toward the door. Alex kept pace. “But, now that I’ve met your friends, I think you’re obligated to come to game night.”

“Game night?” Maggie raised an eyebrow. “With you and the bunch of nerds you pal around with?”

“Don’t call my sister a nerd. I mean, she is a nerd, but so am I.”

Maggie grinned. “Hey, I’m in. I love me some Settlers of Catan.”

She walked away and Alex stared after her. For being someone she’d been intimate with multiple times, Alex wasn’t sure she knew Maggie Sawyer at all.

#

“She’s coming? She’s coming? She’s coming?” Kara was bouncing around like a rubber ball. Alex put her face in her hands and groaned.

“Please have some chill tonight.”

Kara’s face was right in her face. “You like her.”

“We are _trying_ to be friends.” Alex kept them nose to nose. “Please don’t ruin it. I don’t have a lot of friends.”

Kara snorted. “Whatever, all my friends think you’re cooler than me.” She perked up. “Idea! Make Maggie think I’m cooler than you!”

Alex narrowed her eyes. “That is never going to happen.”

To Alex’s surprise, the first person to show up after Winn was James. “Hey!”

James smiled kindly at her in his so kind way. “How you doing, Alex?”

“I’m all right. How are you?”

She followed him into the kitchen, wondering about when Kara had started talking to him again. She’d been upset about the break-up (her choice. Alex didn’t really get it.) and then upset and embarrassed about getting fired. But at some point they’d mended fences. That was nice.

“Work’s tough. I like the responsibility, but I never really realized why Cat was so annoyed all the time. When you’re responsible for five people, like my photography crew, you can deal with the occasional mistake. But when you’re responsible for five hundred people, it’s not pretty.” He smiled again. “Honestly, I’d hire your sister back as my assistant in a heartbeat if it wouldn’t look really weird.”

“She really was good at her job. Peter principle in action, I guess.”

James shrugged. “I think she can be good at whatever she wants to do. But what she likes is helping people. Clark was always a journalism nerd. But he’s a throwback in a lot of ways. Kara’s not the same generation. Journalism means something different to her.”

“So you’re not angry at her?”

James shook his head. Alex shook hers. “You’d never be angry at anyone. Seriously. I was hugely pissed at her.”

“You’re not anymore though.”

Alex sighed. “It’s hard to stay mad at Kara for long. I’m just happy she’s happy with where she is right now.”

“And are you happy?”

Alex breathed out. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know in a few weeks. I might have figured it out by then.”

“That have anything to do with the new girl who’s coming tonight?” He grinned, and if she wasn’t hallucinating, she thought his ears wiggled.

“Did Kara tell _everyone_?”

When the knock came, Kara flew to the door, peeped, squeaked under her breath for Alex to come open it, and essentially made a nuisance of herself. Alex dragged herself off the couch and did open it.

“Hey,” she said.

“Danvers.” Maggie offered her a bottle—of grenadine.

Alex laughed. “My sister’s going to love you forever.”

“ _Almost_ what I was looking for.”

Maggie moved past, waving to Winn and Kara, leaving Alex holding the bottle and wondering if she was crazy, because Maggie was the one who said they couldn’t date, and Maggie was also the one who couldn’t seem to stop flirting to save her goddamn life.

#

She was good at Pictionary.

Alex was not really comfortable knowing that. But, of course Kara put them on the same team, and Maggie could draw. It was a weirdly thrilling discovery.

She liked Maggie like this. She’d left her hair down, and it fell in a loose curtain around her face. She’d taken her shoes off, and her socks had fish on them. She sat crosslegged, even on the couch, and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, and she teased Winn and James and Kara with a kinder tone than with her cop buddies. When Alex lost them an easy point, she put her in a headlock and mussed her hair. Alex yelped. And when finally Maggie let her go she had to get up and go hide in the kitchen for a few minutes, purportedly getting a drink, but really waiting for her pulse to slow down.

She watched the group through the doorway for a moment, Maggie, casual, friendly, she wouldn’t say feminine, really, but compared to the intense macho vibe of the cop bar, she was much more low key.

She liked her. _Shit_. She really, really liked her.

#

Helping Kara clean up, she found herself in an impromptu and unexpected hug.

“I love you, Alex,” Kara mumbled into her shoulder.

“Yeah, I love you too.” She put Kara between her hands and turned her so they were facing each other. “What brought this on?”

Kara shrugged awkwardly. “I dunno. Just— I’ve never seen you like someone before. But when you’re looking at . . . Detective Sawyer, it’s like, it’s like I’ve never seen you so open.”

“We’re not dating.”

“Yeah.” Kara smiled, her eyes still sad. “That was why the hug.”

Alex covered her face. “Kara.”

“Have you told her how you feel?”

That was another one that was tough to answer. Alex shrugged.

“I know I’m not great at this game, but I liked the way she looked at you too. I think you have a chance.”

Alex huffed.

“And I know you feel weird about heart rate analysis, but, let me just say,” Kara wiggled her eyebrows.

 _Oh Kara._ Alex grinned. It would be nice if she was right. It wasn’t that simple though. Still, she’d take what she could get. And actually being Maggie’s friend—it felt like it was worth it.

Her phone buzzed. A text. _Come over._

The pleasant warmth and hope and comfort that had filled her up all transformed into heat.

#

Her arm twisted around behind her back, Maggie shoved her down, face against the kitchen table. Alex gasped, Maggie’s hips hitting her ass, feeling her hair brush along Alex’s neck.

“Alex.” The word was soft, lingering. Alex had never felt so strongly about her name. But in that voice, her breath, the pain in her arm and the heat in her core, it all built together to make her feel half dizzy, half desperate. “Tell me what you want.”

Words. Why were words so hard when she was like this? Maggie’s hips rolled against her ass, too much clothing between them, too much blocking the bare sensitivity of skin. She wanted to feel it, to know—

“Can you scratch me?” Her voice came out shaky and unsure. “Maybe bite too. I want—on my skin.”

“Yeah,” the whisper in return had a rumble in it, like a growl, or more like a purr.“I can do that for you. I’d love to do that for you.”

She released Alex’s arm, and Alex slid bonelessly off the table onto her knees on the floor. Maggie’s hands went into her hair, stroking and curling around her ears. “You all right? Tell me yes if you’re all right.”

“Yes,” Alex murmured, still looking down. The word emerged half muted, childish, and she curled her shoulders, tucking her chin.

“You’re so good, Alex.” She plucked at her collar. “Now lets get you out of all that basic black, okay baby?”

Alex nodded and raised her arms, letting Maggie strip her out of her jacket and her long-sleeved shirt. It caught on her nose, and when it came off, her hair puffed up in front of her face with it. Maggie smoothed it down and crouched to look into Alex’s face.

“So pretty.” She leaned in to nip at the bruise she’d left on Alex’s neck the last time. “And you’re good with me, yeah? I’ve got you, ‘lex.”

And the words, like before, hit somewhere deep inside, somewhere important, and Alex leaned into her, burying her face into her neck. _I love you_. It was way too soon—so soon it was meaningless, and Maggie wouldn’t want to hear it anyway. But Alex didn’t have any other words to express the well of feeling bubbling up inside her that she couldn’t control.

Maggie’s arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly, threading her fingers through her hair, and whispering comforting nonsense, as if Alex falling apart wasn’t strange at all, as if it was something she liked.

#


	5. Chapter 5

“Danvers!” That was one thing. Friend-Alex was ‘Danvers’; Fuckbuddy-Alex was ‘Alex’ or ‘’Lex’ when things got heated. Fuckbuddy-Maggie was steady and intense and collected.And then she was liquid and heat against Alex’s skin, her lips, around her fingers. Friend-Maggie, a.k.a. ‘Sawyer,’ was easygoing, when not working, casual with her touches and her teasing and her smiles.

Alex was having a hard time with this.

It wasn’t dating. It was supposed to be friends + sex. But the friends part wasn’t like any other friendship Alex had ever had, and the sex part wasn’t like any other sex Alex had had either. It was something else, but she didn’t know what that something was.

And yet, she didn’t want to question it. It was good.

There was always another alien threat, always another apocalyptic problem to deal with. But her life felt richer, more complete, knowing she could just call Maggie and have someone around to get a drink or make fun of shitty TV with (particularly the shows that Kara liked and would be offended if Alex was anything less than complimentary). And if she was— well, if she needed something different from that, she could text, and she’d get it too.

The only thing weird was late at night. Alex usually fell asleep after an orgasm or two, but that wasn’t really the etiquette for non-relationship sex. She’d forced herself to stay awake the first few times, kissed Maggie goodbye—because it would be weirder to not kiss someone you’d just had uncomfortably emotional semi-BDSM sex with—and slipped out. But she really wasn’t good at staying awake.

She’d just gotten used to sneaking out whenever she woke up, in the predawn dark or after the windows had started to grey, without disturbing Maggie—or at least without her signaling that she’d been disturbed. But that didn’t always work.

One night, there had been an incident with an exoskeleton wearing alien criminal, and she’d been thrown into a pier before Supergirl showed up to kick his abdomen. Bruises mottled her skin up her side and back, brown and purple, some with red dots where the blood vessels had broken and pooled up right under the skin.

It didn’t look good, and when Maggie texted, she’d hesitated. But it didn’t hurt very much, and as the alien had gotten away, she was kind of feeling down, and being able to bury her responsibility and focus for a little while and just exist for pleasure sounded good. So she showed up.

Maggie had a deadly good poker face, but there was no hiding the moment she noticed the bruises.

It was a moment of stillness, no movement, no sound, and Alex felt naked under her eyes even though she was still in her sweatpants in a way she didn’t feel when she’d actually been fully naked with her before.

“I— I got hurt.”

“I can see that,” there was something tired in Maggie’s voice. “I don’t like seeing that.”

“It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“That’s not what’s important, Alex.” Maggie settled gently onto her hips, fingers brushing at the corner of Alex’s eye, checking both visually and tactilely that it didn’t hurt. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.” She bent down and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you but me.”

She was softer than usual, though she had never been anything but considerate. And Alex remembered, more than anything else, her fingers dragging wetly over her lips, leaving streaks down the side of her face, and mouthing at her ear and the side of her neck.

But this time when Alex woke up, she was alone.

It wasn’t as late as usual, about 3:30, and Alex pulled on her sweatpants, the bruises taking the opportunity to throb and resist the thought of adding a bra. She tugged on a t-shirt and stepped out into the open room that served as kitchen, living room and dining room. Maggie was on the couch, a low light right above her, a book open on her lap. She looked up when Alex stepped in. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You passed out, but I couldn’t sleep.”

“Sorry.”

Maggie shook her head. “My bed is your bed. If you want to go back to it, it’s available.”

A whistle started coming from the stove. Alex stepped over and turned the burner under the teapot off.

When she refocused, Maggie was up, the book laid open on a pillow, moving around her kitchen, taking out boxes and mugs. “I’m making tea, do you want some?”

“Okay.”

It all felt strange, a little bit like friends, but not quite so strong, and Maggie cast her a look, and rested a hand on her arm for a moment, the way she did when she was checking to see if Alex was game for what they were doing. “You need ibuprofen?”

Alex blinked. She’d just seemed to know that her bruises were hurting. She nodded.

In addition to the tea, Maggie got her two advil and a small glass of milk. Then she padded quietly back to the couch.

Alex downed the advil and milk and brought her tea over to the couch also, climbing onto the other end. Maggie stretched out her feet, tucking them under Alex’s shin. Her toes were cold, but Alex just settled more solidly over them.

“Whatcha reading?”

“Crime novel,” Maggie laughed softly. “My sister sends them to me. She likes to tease, saying she knows just what my life is like because she’s the big mystery and thriller reader. But this one’s pretty good. It has aliens, and I was sure it was going to give some prejudiced bullshit, but it’s a lot more nuanced than I expected.” Maggie smirked. “Your sister makes an appearance.”

Alex snorted out her tea. “Don’t tell her that. She’ll never stop preening.”

“No promises, D—“ but she stopped before she said Alex’s last name, as if she also felt that this wasn’t quite friend-time, even if it wasn’t sex-time either.

“You said that before, you have sisters?”

“Yeah, two older ones.” She wrinkled her nose. “Neither of them as bossy as you though.”

Alex ducked her head. “I was an only child for the first fifteen years of my life. I think I might have overcompensated.”

“They do say only children are a bit self involved—expect everything to revolve around them. Only you,” Maggie tipped her head. “Everything for you revolves around Kara.”

“Not _everything_.” Alex’s shoulders curled forward. “But yeah. It was hard, putting up with her at first. And I don’t know how it happened, but I remember the first time I knew she was in danger and I wanted— I knew that I’d rather die than let her get hurt. My dad had done it for her, so it had to be worth it, right?”

“Your dad? Did he— what happened?”

“I don’t know.” Alex sighed. “When I find out, I’ll let you know. But, it’s safe to say—he wasn’t there. Kara needed me, and that was draining, and my mom couldn’t find anything right about me, and that was even more draining, so, like a good only child, I fucked off to college. But that didn’t get rid of the guilt.”

“You’re a good sister.”

“You’re just saying that because you think aliens are cool.”

Maggie laughed and leaned over on the couch to punch her shoulder. But she made sure it wasn’t the bruised one. Alex settled back into her corner and thought that she could probably watch Maggie’s face forever.

#

“Are you dating?” Kara had a frown on her forehead, not the usual light hearted teasing. Alex paused in getting the training room set up and frowned over her shoulder.

“Why do you ask?”

“I stopped by your apartment the other night, and you weren’t there. So I listened.”

Alex shut her eyes, but Kara continued. “You were at Maggie’s. Asleep.”

Thank _god_ she hadn’t listened earlier.

“Yeah,” Alex threaded her fingers through her hair. “We’re not dating . . . officially.”

“So it’s casual?” Kara was still frowning hard. “Because I checked again and you were there almost every night.”

“Please stop spying on me!”

“I didn’t _look_. I just listened for a moment or two. She says nice things to you.”

Alex groaned.

“I know what sex sounds like. It’s hard _not_ to, living in a city. I don’t judge!”

“You’re my little sister.”

“Yes. And that’s why I’m concerned. You’ve kind of said she’s a player before. Like, when she was always going off on dates. She had a lot of women. And if you’re not officially dating, is she seeing anyone else too?”

The idea hit like a thump in Alex’s stomach. It was totally possible. And Alex had accepted it at the beginning. She’d wanted to be one of her girls. She hadn’t asked to be the only one or to have any special status. But it had felt special. But there was no reason to believe it.

“You tell me,” Alex spat. “You’re the one who’s been spying.”

“I—“ Kara threw up her hands. “I didn’t meant to hit a nerve! I haven’t seen her with anyone. Honest. I just was wondering _why_ it’s not official.”

Alex sank down into her chair. “She doesn’t want that.”

Kara floated in a kneeling position in front of her, holding onto the arm of her chair. “What do you mean?”

“She doesn’t want anything serious. We can be friends and we can sleep together, but that’s it.”

“Why?”

Alex shrugged.

“You deserve better than that.”

“Do I?” Alex looked away from her concerned blue gaze. “Maybe this is all I deserve. Maybe I was never meant to be anything but a fuckbuddy.”

“That’s not true, Alex.” Kara shook her chair and the arm broke off. Quickly she dropped it behind her and took hold of Alex’s arm instead. “You should talk to her. You need to be honest about the way you feel. And if she’s a good person, she’ll respect that.”

“Kara . . .”

“Do you know why I broke up with James? Because of you.”

“What?”

“I thought that I needed to be like you, to give everything to my avocation. To be Supergirl with 110%, like you. But that didn’t work, or make sense. I realized it a bit late. And part of what I realized is that you do give 110%, but that’s effort. And you’re amazing. You’re amazing without needing to give up all of the other things you might want. I thought you had sacrificed all of that for me, that you needed to sacrifice it to be super. But I’ve finally figured out that you’re just not very good at this.”

Alex touched Kara’s hand. “Where are you going here?”

“You can have everything you want. And if you’re having a hard time getting it, I’m here. I want to help you.”

Alex let out a breath that was not quite a laugh. “I don’t think you can help with this.”

“I can give advice! Be honest. That’s the one thing I’ve really learned this year. You can’t go wrong if you’re honest. And, well, when I told the person I cared about the truth . . . it worked out.”

“It’s not the same. She was honest with me about not wanting what I do. And I don’t want to lose this.”

Kara tipped her head to the side. “Well, maybe don’t be honest all at once. But don’t lie. Just hint that you might be open for more. Maybe she’s changed her mind.”

Kara was always so optimistic. Alex mussed her hair and smiled. “Maybe.”

#

Alex sank into the sweat-damp warmth of the bed, Maggie spooned up against her back and blowing patterns in her hair. She murmured soft things about how good Alex was, how beautiful.

 

“You ever done this kind of thing before?” Maggie asked.

“Fuck-buddies, or the other stuff?”

She could feel Maggie’s laugh. “The other stuff.”

“No.” The warmth stayed on her back. “I don’t think I would have wanted to, even if I had known I liked it. I wouldn’t have liked it, not with just anyone.”

The warmth pressed in tighter. Alex heard the smug sound of it.

“Stop smirking.”

“Why? You hint that I’m your favorite top and I don’t get to be a little stoked?”

Alex rolled over to face her and scrunched her nose. “Yeah, well what about you? Do you always dom like this? Does it get you off all special?”

“I like to be independent, but most girls don’t just melt all over my shoes.”

“Fuck off.”

“Nah. Normal fucking is bracing. But it doesn’t get me high in the same way as messing with you. It doesn’t freak me out as much either.”

“This freaks you out?”

Maggie’s eyes met hers, seriously. “You freak me out sometimes. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“’S okay. I’ve been hurt before.”

Maggie groaned. “I know. Seriously, sometimes I think you forget you and Supergirl aren’t blood relatives.”

“I can take it. Hurt me sometimes.”

“Yeah, because you so want to explain your sex related injuries to your boss.”

Alex paused.

“Your telepathic boss.”

Alex curled into her, pressing her face to her shoulder. “Fine, you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“You’re a brat.”

“Well, I am the little sister.”

Alex let out a deep breath. “Are your sisters both still in Nebraska?”

“One of them is, the other moved to Texas. We don’t talk about her.”

“Your parents?”

“Still in Nebraska.”

Alex peered at her face, at the odd distance in her voice. “Do you see them often?”

“Not often.” Maggie shut her eyes. “Saw them at my niece’s christening. Kept pressuring me to find a girl and settle down.”

“So they don’t mind you being a lesbian?”

“They got over it. Well, I’m pretty sure that they think being in the big city in Cali means I’m whoring it up. Because that’s what the gays do. My mom discovered Dan Savage. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Dan who?”

Maggie laughed. “I keep forgetting that you’re ‘sheltered.’”

“I am not!” Alex smacked at her.

“Cool it, Danvers.” Maggie rolled over on top of her, catching her wrists and holding them down above her head. “Unless you want a spanking.”

Alex stared up at her. She wasn’t used to hearing that name while she was naked. They didn’t joke around when they were hooking up. Then Maggie’s eyes widened, like she’d heard what she’d said. She let go and slid off of Alex. “Sorry, I shouldn’t say stuff like that.”

Alex slowly sat up. “I’m still me, you know.”

“Huh?”

“It doesn’t matter if you call me Danvers or Alex, it’s still me. I don’t care if we blur a little.”

Maggie stared at her, no sign of her usual easy smile or casual comment. She slipped out of bed and started for the door. Alex pulled the sheet up around her chest. “Where are you going?”

“Thought I heard my phone.”

She disappeared and she didn’t come back.

Alex shut her eyes, holding her knees to her chest. She shouldn’t have said that. They had a status quo, and here she went, rocking the boat. Stupid Kara and her ‘tell the truth’ ideas.

Finally, she got up and found her pants. She slipped down the stairs and out of the building, not bothering to find Maggie to say goodbye. But as she crossed the empty 4am street, she glanced back.

Maggie was on the fire escape, a lit cigarette between her fingers. She was watching Alex go. Their eyes locked. And Alex waited for the two fingered wave, the smirk, the way Maggie made all of this easy—casual familiarity with humorous distance—a kiss and a slap all at once. But it didn’t come. Maggie just watched her, letting the cigarette burn down, unblinking, until Alex gave in and left.

#

Maggie didn’t call. She didn’t text.

Kara kept bringing her choice snacks or comforting hugs, but it wasn’t helping.

Alex hated uncertainty. She just wanted to know. Were they done? Could they go back to the way things were? Was she thinking about the third option? The one where they just admitted that they were together and it could be okay?

But she’d said she didn’t want it. Why?

For someone so frank about her opinions and her sexuality, Maggie was really guarded. Alex knew what it was like to be guarded, how hard it was to stop. But it was worth it, sometimes, to let the walls down, with the right person.

Wasn’t it?

The exoskeleton-wearing alien had made another appearance. Supergirl couldn’t defeat him while the exoskeleton was still whole. Winn and Alex spent 36 hours straight developing an acid that would eat through it.

Then they loaded it into a potato gun.

When Alex was suiting up, she found a knife in her locker. Maggie had given it to her a few weeks before. It was a switchblade, completely illegal, but as Maggie said, ‘Cops can’t use that, but spooks can. Take care of yourself, Danvers.’ It was a smooth, powerful extension, strong as a punching dagger. She strapped it to her wrist, beneath the sleeve of her wicking uniform shirt.

The nice thing about weapons was that they were never stupidly sentimental.

The fight went south. Alex wasn’t surprised when NCPD cars started showing up. She couldn’t look though, to see if Maggie was there, she had to keep her sights trained on the alien and shoot it with the acid when she had a good shot.

There.

A hit. It burned a tiny hole through the thorax, as big as her fist. But there was no sign it hurt it. Supergirl went in to punch, aiming for the hole, but it grabbed her, threw her down on the ripped up pavement, and leaned over her, its mandibles dripping venom.

 _No._ No. She was not losing Kara.

“Samuels! Cover fire!” And there was a spatter of bullets, distracting the alien from its current captive.

Alex ran. She shot into the hole, and the alien lurched, but didn’t go down. In her head the anatomy of this kind of alien swarmed through her head. She needed to reach the brain. Up, to the left—

She jumped, punched through the hole, all the way to her elbow. Her hand was gooshing through blood and guts, and she thrust up, going in to the shoulder. And she triggered the switchblade.

The alien screamed.

“Alex!” She heard, familiar. She gave one glance down to see Maggie tearing at the sticky coating that held Supergirl down, yelling at her, tearing.

Why was she looking down?

The alien was trying to fly away. But its wings weren’t working properly. Alex had damaged something too deeply. And then it started to roll.

Something caught her feet. Maggie, dragging her out of the alien, her arm tearing on the jagged exoskeleton. And then the alien stopped rolling. Alex fell the last few feet, knocking Maggie over onto the shattered pavement. Supergirl peeked over the alien’s side. She had arrested its movement. It didn’t try to fight anymore. It was dead.

Alex gasped for air and held her tattered arm to her chest. Supergirl was safe. The alien had been stopped. They were good, she was good.

Maggie grabbed her arm—the non shredded one, thankfully—and she shook it. “Don’t you dare do that again. You take care of yourself, or you let me or Kara take care of you. You had better not get yourself killed. You’d _better_ not!”

She was crying. Alex felt her orders in her chest, tugging at her, encouraging her to bend, submit. But the tears kept her fixed in place.

_She lost someone._

It was so clear then. Sex without feelings, ease living alone, peace with who she is but no real sense of what that means for the future.

Of course Alex was no good for her. She was reckless, she was in the same dangerous line of work. She knew Alex didn’t care enough for herself. But she did now, she did. Kara was still so important, but she wasn’t everything. Alex had other people she needed to protect now too, protect from all kinds of pain.

“I will,” Alex swore. “I can’t promise I’ll succeed, but I’ll be careful. I’m so sorry.”

Maggie looked at her, blinking tears out of her eyes. “Fuck,” she said. “Fuck.”

“It’s too late,” Alex said, “isn’t it?”

Maggie nods. Her eyes were open, clear, and the expression in them looked like hope rather than resignation.

Alex cupped her face in both hands, careless of the blood and alien guts, and kissed her.

It had been too late for anything else for a long time.


End file.
